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As I embark on the end of the year, rest is more important than ever.

I celebrate post pandemic, transitions, overcoming health challenges, losses and grief, and the journey of mental health recovery.

Since we relocated to another city my children and I have started new traditions.

We don’t worry about the mundane routine of family gatherings for Thanksgiving or Christmas anymore.

Instead, we create new memories by visiting new places, seeing new things or staying home to rest and reflect.

While I was able to kick stigma to the curb and eliminate any shame I experienced in the past from being around toxic family or friends, this has led to isolation over the years especially during the pandemic.

Yet, the loneliness and isolation helped me to embrace my whole self,  prioritize self care, trauma recovery, and reinvent myself.

I learned to be curious about my identity and spirituality while rebuilding/reinventing my life.

Doing shadow work in self discovery and therapy created a path to self acceptance.

What is life without accepting both the light and darkness?

The S.A.D.(ness) or Seasonal Affective Disorder we experience during the holiday or winter seasons brings chaos to our calm.

Although I pray often, meditate, journal and spend time alone sometimes I have had moments of doubt or feelings of failure.

As many feel during this time of year: unheard, unappreciated, unseen and unloved; sometimes it has been difficult to pray or reach out and connect with other people.

Several family members passed away and friendships ended. 

Grief has become a natural part of my healing journey.

I quote the gospel, an important sacred writing to me, “Ephesians 4:3: Get rid of all hard feelings, anger and rage. Stop all fighting and lying. Put away every form of hatred”. (NIRV)

When I find myself feeling angry, irritable or sad, I recognize the signs of burnout and am taking time to slow down.

I made the decision to use these holidays for rest and relaxation instead of finishing strong or doing more.

This is my time to give myself permission to evaluate what has and hasn’t worked during the year.

I am intentionally resisting the hustle and grind culture, disconnecting from social media and prioritizing rest. 

While others are getting ready for holiday shopping and sales I’m gearing up for a well deserved break.

Perhaps a phone call or two and time with my children, that is all I have left in me.

My plate is full, my cup runneth over and I know my limits.

As I get older I realize the things that mattered before the pandemic are less important.

We’re connected more digitally but less connected physically and spiritually.

I am focused on building my tribe or community.

Real support.

Real friends.

Real family.

Love.

Compassion.

Trust.

Integrity.

Join the Black Family Business Network for support and accountability: bit.ly/blackfamilybusiness

Hello, Hello, Hello.

It’s Alicia B. your Soulful Sister Searching, helping Black and Brown women move from isolation and shame to living their wildest dreams in their life and business.

Checking in with you.

I wanted to offer another word of encouragement as we near the end of the year.

How do you feel in your journey to becoming your best self?

You may feel like we’re alone, isolated or stuck in a dark place or circumstance that you’re dealing with.

You may feel like there is no one you can trust.

You may feel like no one understands what you’re going through.

You are not alone.

There are other people who have experienced what you have been through.

I think that we get stuck inside our heads and our heart space when we think the world is going to come to an end in those very moments.

I can recall days when I felt that way being isolated and how that spiraled me into a depression.

It caused me to feel like I was alone and that other people didn’t understand what I was going through.

I have met men and women that have experienced pain and suffering.

These men and women are successful in their life and business.

Some are moving forward into a new relationship or starting to live and love again.

So I learned that I wasn’t the only one.

When we are in those moments that’s what we tell ourselves and that’s what we feel.

It may be an intense, dark feeling that you are going through or have been through and you think you’re alone in your journey.

Or you think you can’t trust anyone or no one understands.

When everyone has experienced some form of pain and suffering or some other traumatic experience.

I wanted to share some feedback with some of the women I’ve been able to work with.

This is what they have said and I want to give them a shout out as well because they are doing great things in their life and their business.

I want to send positive vibes to them as well.  

Tia says: “you have already given me back my life and that was only on page 3!!!!  I am reading my FREE copy of the ‎Forgiveness Journal. You have already given me back my life and that was only on page 3!!!! I’ve waited my whole entire adult life for your transparency, edification, and abundance of illumination into self!  
I never thought someone could understand my past hurts, mistakes, and tragedies but you have definitely diagnosed me and given me a prescription to my deliverance through this book!
Thank you for allowing God to use you in such a prolific way.”  

Thank you for that feedback. That was very encouraging.  

This is Denise’s testimonial. She’s a self care and wellness coach. “First, I want to say the entire book is awesome. It is very easy to read and  gives you practical application. The part of the book that really has personally helped me is EMBRACE Your Emotions. I am a very sensitive person so I feel my emotions and notice them but the one thing I have had a hard time with is VOICING my emotions. 

And next is Monica, “From Exile to EMBRACE has given me courage to face my everyday struggles and fears head on.  I know that I’m not alone in the struggles that I go through.  I have a new outlook on how I perceive things.”

They know they are not alone.

You’re not alone in the struggles that you are going through.

You matter and your story matters.

The next testimonial and feedback is from Brandalyn. She is author, screenwriter and speaker. “Alicia, this is an excellent book. You are going to touch and improve many lives. A purchase I’ll never forget. Mental illness and recovery are two crucial elements.  This is a shorter literary piece to help. EVERYONE should have this mini manual to refer to. Your candid nature was enjoyable and your writing almost flawless.
Two thumbs up from me.”

These life stories and experiences are only redefining moments.

It’s all apart of the process of becoming your best self. 

And last but certainly not least, the feedback and testimonial I have is from Stella, life coach and speaker. She says: “From Exile to EMBRACE has helped me to really embrace my story. The love for me and to recognize my behaviors for what they are and what that means. To understand that a key issue for me was/is setting boundaries. I’ve read this book twice. I love the way it’s put together. Alicia is an extraordinary young woman. She has shared her story in a way that is so amazing. It so easily brought my thoughts out and onto a page. Things I’d begin to realize she helped me to understand and name.  And although it’s her story she makes it your story.  I’m actually gaining more insight of myself and how this has really helped me. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing Alicia B. You are truly amazing. Keep God’s light shining bright!”

We all have a story and we are not alone on our journey to becoming our best self because that is what we were born to do.

These moments that you have experienced is apart of the path and process so that you can get to that point of your greatness.

Even in the darkness or shadow, you can honor God by being honest, speaking your truth, being brave and loving yourself just as you are.

As we embark on a new season and new year remember you are not alone.

You matter.

Your journey matters.

I am because we are.

Join the Black Family Business Network: bit.ly/blackfamilybusiness for more resources and support.

How do you want to be remembered?

Is it simple to forgive? 

When I worked in hospice I attended many funerals and spoke to many families about their loved ones.

Some were positive conversations, and some were the harsh realities that it’s not so easy to forget what happened in the past. 

The simple answer is to forgive them and forgive yourself. 

But how?

How do you forgive other people and move on with your life?

As with any funeral, there are the anticipated moments when family and friends get up to share their memories about the deceased. 

The coveted “expressions” is what this  portion of the funeral is usually called.

People are given 2-5 minutes to talk say a few words and let other people know how they felt about the deceased person. 

I have never seen a funeral where people talked badly about the deceased person. 

Even if they had disagreements before, the person most likely will not bad mouth them. 

We all know that people say what they want to behind closed doors when they get home; however, they will behave themselves at the funeral.

Most of the time family will either show up and participate in the services or stay at home if they can not handle the grief or hold a grudge towards the person. 

“Auntie so and so was a good cook and she fed everybody.

She had a heart of gold,” example of what may be said during expressions.  

What will they say about you after you die? 

Poetic expressions that comfort and have everyone crying tears of joy.

Praise worthy expressions that lift everyone up out of their sorrow. 

Forgive them and forgive yourself.

Create beautiful moments that the latter years are better than before.

Watch full video below.

Join the Black Family Business Network: bit.ly/blackfamilybusiness

Hello, it’s Alicia Beatrice (formerly Alicia Buchanan) your Soulful Sister Searching and creator of Golden Opportunity to Develop, helping  women move from isolation to manifest their dream life and relationship.

I want to talk to you about becoming your best self. 

It is a journey you have to go on. 

You should be vulnerable and honest with your self. 

It’s a journey of love and even hardships as well. 

I wanted to share a video about your becoming.

We were inspired by the release of Michelle Obama’s memoir Becoming.

This topic has come up for me even before the release of her book became public.

My story about becoming took me being vulnerable and moving past the shame.

If you have a past and you have dealt with shame, some traumatic experiences and negativity, you must move to a point of being ready to become the best person you are.

The journey is not going to look perfect. 

It’s going to be messy but it is going to be exciting as well.

If you are willing to do the work that is necessary there are so many beautiful and amazing things that can come out of it.

It’s a remarkable experience.  

And what I know for sure is that the moments in your life, they define the reason that you are here.  

The reason that you were meant to be here.

Because everybody has a story that they have dealt with and the significance of that is that it defines the reason why you are being here. 

So in being vulnerable I wanted to reintroduce myself and share a part of my story today.

So apart of my story is that I experienced church hurt. 

That really impacted me a lot.

There are different levels of church hurt but the one that impacted me was a little more significant to the point where I was kicked out of the church that I was attending, a black megachurch in Texas where I live.

So the backstory behind that is that I was serving like most Black women do. 

We serve, we overcommit and we overextend ourselves in our life, in our education, in our family and we neglect to take care of ourselves. 

What happens is there is either breakdown or burnout and some things can happen that can lead up to this point of you experiencing some pain or some hurt.  

My pain and hurt was involving the church, which was my faith community. 

Being kicked out of that community, being isolated, and having to start all over again.

I recall days when I was afraid to leave home.

I was so afraid to leave home in those dark times.  I

had to regain my confidence in myself and regain my trust in other people to be on this path where I am today rebuilding my community. 

This happened many years ago and I am so grateful where I am right now and my progress that I had to go back and look. 

I had to remind myself that there are other women out there who are in that place where I was.  

I wanted to encourage you that there is freedom in those vulnerable moments that you are experiencing. 

The story that you are experiencing is a redefining moment for you.  

That is a redefining moment and you can either accept it and take it as an opportunity or you can stay stuck in that place.

I want to encourage you not to stay stuck in that place because there is freedom in the journey.

It’s not going to be an easy journey.

If anybody tells you that it is, they’re lying. 

It’s going to be messy but again it’s going to be exciting.

It’s going to create some beautiful opportunities for you to become your best self.

Because your story, just like my story, just like Michelle Obama’s story, Oprah’s story and so many other great Black women, your story was meant to change the life of someone else.

But the work that is necessary that you must do first, you’re going to have to do it.

The work I had to do was forgiveness work.

It took a lot and I want to caveat and say that forgiveness is not something that you do one time. 

It’s an ongoing process because it is not going to look the way that you expect it to look.  

You have to be open and you have to be willing to embrace those moments.

Again, I wanted to offer that word of encouragement. 

If you are in that place where you’re isolated, you’re in shame because of your past but you know that you have a purpose and you were meant for more, I invite you to sign up for the Black Family Business Network and you can become your best self.

It is an opportunity for you to jumpstart that process of inner healing so that you can manifest your dream life and relationship. 

Join the Black Family Business : bit.ly/blackfamilybusiness

You are not alone. 

It doesn’t matter how things have looked for you, what struggles or challenges you have faced. 

Just like I was able to come out of isolation. 

I went from being afraid to coming out of my home because of what I experienced to now I started my business and I manifested my first marriage and 2 healthy sons.

I am moving forward in life.

You don’t have to be ashamed and you are not alone in your struggles.

Here’s to becoming your best self. 

If there is something that resonated with you, let me know.

Stay blessed and encouraged,

Alicia

In the below throwback video, I discussed Red Table Talk with Jada Pinknett Smith and Leah Remini discussed their fallout and rumors of Jada being connected to Scientology. Leah Remini was vulnerable in sharing how she grew up in the Scientology religion and how they harassed her after she questioned some things that happened. She faced church hurt just as I did and has exposed her truth about this experience.  She is no longer involved in that religious community however, she had to go to therapy to process her childhood trauma.  She was taught not to deal with her pain as a child.  Jada and Leah are both examples of what it looks like to be brave and practice authentic living. Jada Pinkett Smith grew up with a grandmother who encouraged her to learn about different religions and make her own choices. In her home, Jada has many books on religion.  She is a life long learner which is why she went to the Scientology temple to learn about the religion and what it has to offer. In the aftermath of leaving the Scientology church, Leah wrote her book and shared her story.  She included Jada and Will Smith in the book, a decision that triggered negative publicity and discord in their friendship for years. After Leah shared this information with Jada about what she was going through, it changed the perspective of the situation. Jada says that you have to be kind to people because you never know what they are going through. 

Leah could have easily went on with her life doing the same thing and pretended that nothing happened. Yet she came out with her story and is on the journey to healing herself through therapy and reconciled her relationship with Jada.  You may have grown up in an environment with certain rules and habits. Today you can learn and do different things that help you become the woman you were born to be. 

You were born to do so much more. The possibilities are endless. 

Join the Black Family Business Network for more resources: bit.ly/blackfamilybusiness

School supplies, school uniforms, school shopping…

Parents and grandparents, are you ready for the new school year?

How can you do more than survive it?

Make a decision that you will thrive.

Purpose comes with planning and planning with purpose.

I have. made the decision to plan a purposeful school year for my two sons.

A school year planned for unexpected turns and with more peace.

Best decision I have ever made. 

It sounds like going with the flow and being open to what will happen.

When God purposes it in your heart to do something move! 

Don’t worry about what other people think or what happened in your past.

Just move!!!

What decisions are you pondering on today to move with purpose?

I’ll leave you with these tips, as I shut down from technology and media and go into deep reflection and prayer for my own self care needs.

Remember to do all things in love and take care of yourself. 1 Corinthians 16:14

We are all connected and affected by things that happen to others and in this world. 

1. Find purpose in a peaceful state of mind

You can do this by avoiding negative self talk and negative media.

2. Find purpose in connecting with others or loved ones for support.

Research shows that when you are selfless and less centered on your own problems, things going on don’t affect you as much.

3. Find purpose in healing.

You can do this by journaling negative emotions and seeking guidance from a counselor or coach, if needed. 

You are worthy despite the circumstances around you. 

Your children and family matters!

As a Black woman, I’m constantly reminded of my fears living in a society that devalues my culture. 

Often when I fear, I go in into survival mode to protect, especially as a parent of two Black boys. 

However, I have the courage to channel this energy into something bigger than my fears. 

Events in my country has questioned my rights to liberty and freedom as well as my children and the next generations. 

As a purpose driven leader, I chose to channel my energy to help others make better decisions and love themselves. 

How can we channel our energy to be purpose driven leaders and effect change without creating more harm? 

To find purpose despite the degradation of what we see in this world.

So as you can see, planning for the back to school season is more than school supplies, school uniforms, and school shopping.

It’s a state of mind for you and your children.

Because you and your family matters!

Join the Black Family Business Network for more resources like this: bit.ly/blackfamilybusiness

Natural disasters and the pandemic.

Category 4 Hurricane Harvey hit Texas and Louisiana. 

And so many more…

As many as 50 counties and more than 30,000 people in Houston were forced from their homes, according to multiple news reports.  

However, more than 13 million people in Texas and Louisiana combined were impacted. 

Agencies and people across the world sent aid relief of water, food and supplies to help the displaced families.

Despite these short term efforts, the devastation of this traumatic event for most people impacted will linger longer than food, water, supplies or any well intentioned aid relief can last. 

This is where the work of our community agencies, churches, and government agencies really begins. 

To provide mental health support and services to help families that were displaced by these natural disasters.

Also, to support the first aid responders who have been on the ground providing aid relief since day one.

Mental health is defined as a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being. 

1 in 3 people are affected by mental health issues in the US. 

Combine this number with the 13 millions of individuals who experienced the trauma of losing their homes, losing loved ones in the storm or having to be rescued from their homes by boat. 

For example, let’s put it all together and not forget the long term effects of 50 inches of rain in Houston, 27 trillion gallons of rain over Texas and Louisiana over a 6 day period according to CNN, 13 million displaced people, 300,000+ who evacuated their homes and most returning to homes under water.

There is a term for the impact of these events on people, it is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

In the past the term was only associated with veterans or people who serve in the military. 

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, PTSD affects 3.5% of the U.S. adult population—about 7.7 million Americans—but women are more likely to develop the condition than men. 

“Sometimes our biological responses and instincts, which can be life-saving during a crisis, leave people with ongoing psychological symptoms because they are not integrated into consciousness.

Because the body is busy increasing the heart rate, pumping blood to muscles for movement and preparing the body to fight off infection and bleeding in case of a wound, all bodily resources and energy get focused on physically getting out of harm’s way.

This resulting damage to the brain’s response system is referred to as PTSD.”

Compassion fatigue is the emotional residue or strain of exposure to working with those suffering from the consequences of traumatic events, according to the American Institute of Stress.  

In Houston alone, 911 emergency lines were overwhelmed with more than 56,000 calls during one disaster, the Houston Office of Emergency Management said in a tweet.

More than 2,200 water rescues were conducted in Houston alone, KTRK-TV reported.

The total number of rescues was not yet fully tallied as thousands of rescue operations — from the 4,000 deployed U.S. Coast Guards to the National Guards and others — were still underway.  

Let us not forget the firefighters, police officers, members of the media, Red Cross workers and even Good Samaritans who also risked their own lives to rescue people.

I hate to say it, but stigma still exists in communities of color with mental health and getting help. 

We were taught to serve others before ourselves and when times get rough, just pray about it. 

I understand this notion of serving others before serving yourself. 

It caused me compassion fatigue, burnout, and what could have been a likely fatality of experiencing a mental health symptoms. 

It is a serious issue to experience the long term effects of trauma without getting the right help. 

The caveat is that just as there is stigma in communities of color, there are not enough mental health services to support the need for long term recovery after natural disasters and the pandemic

It will take a village to collaborate and funding to establish services for these displaced families. 

We can raise funds forever but until these resources are allocated towards housing and long term recovery our work will be in vain and years will past with limited results.

For more resources and inspiration, Join the Black Family Business Network: bit.ly/blackfamilybusiness

“Sometimes people will try to destroy you, precisely because they recognize your power – not because they don’t see it but because they see it and don’t want it to exist.” bell hooks

There are going to be a lot of people that reject you when you share your story and step into your greatness. 

It’s part of the process. 

If you have been hurt in the past, then you have already dealt with the pain of rejection and abandonment.

As you transition from ashes to beauty, you will encounter some haters.

People who are afraid that you will outgrow them.

People who will think you no longer fit into their idea of what you should be doing with your life.  

You know who the haters in your life are.

They have appeared before in disguise as a friend or family member or a coworker. 

How are you going to deal with rejection?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE DIFFERENT?

Whether you are tall, skinny, fat, small, disabled, transgender, left handed, right handed, etc., have you faced discrimination or any ism?

We have witnessed the current events in the news on targeted hate crimes to both civilians and law enforcement, racial driven protests, and police brutality against Black men and women. 

So, the question I raise is: “How can we own our differences and tolerate others in a respectful way?”

1. Know Yourself – Everyone has biases, their own opinions and judgments about things and people. It’s human nature.  Understand what those are.
2. Be honest – Be willing to admit what your biases are.  Nothing beats honesty not even lying.
3. Learn something new – Are you open to learning about a different culture, race, language, or visit another area of town?
4. Pace yourself – all these changes may be overwhelming.  Take small steps to tolerate other people who are different from you.

It does not mean that you have to change your lifestyle to fit another person’s lifestyle. 

And definitely does not mean that your kids or family will become like another person.

Fear can kill tolerance. 

I encourage you to be brave and compassionate towards yourself and other people. 

Everyone is fighting the good fight. 

I believe everyone has good intentions to love others and want to be loved back.

For more resources and inspiration, Join the Black Family Business Network

Walk with me as I reflect on the past and recall weeks full of birthday celebrations. 

Younger family members, my grandmother and mine. 

It was an amazing experience because it is shared with my last living grandmother.  

She is in her 80s now and was delighted with the presence of 3 generations.  

During one gathering there was plenty of gourmet foods (steak, roasted chicken, broccoli, green beans, au gratin potatoes, kale salad, German chocolate cake, vanilla pound cake, and raspberry tea), fellowship and fun watching the kids dance and play.  

I reminisced on my past experiences for a brief moment and the thought of isolation surfaced.  

However, I was able to quickly combat these thoughts and remain present in the moments of joy seeing my Granny happy and all 3 generations together.

What if I did not have the tools to process any negative experiences that occurred in my past with my family? 

What if I remained stuck in the past and isolated myself from them?

This is a reality for most people who have held grievances and grudges with their parent(s), siblings, extended family members, friends or colleagues.  

We are pressed to heal because the reality we create today determines how productive we are tomorrow in reaching our goals in our life and business.

Even the environment that we create in our workplace and experiences we have with people in our everyday life can trigger issues from the past making it difficult to be productive in reaching our goals.

In our Western civilization, support systems are far and few.  

It is not until a terrorist act or tragedy occurs that people unite to address the cause then later go back to business as usual off on their own island of existence.

For example, recent tragedies such as social injustice towards African Americans by law enforcement in the United States, terrorist acts against law enforcement, and ongoing natural disasters around the world have united groups of interest to voice their concerns, protest and overturning of Supreme Court laws.

But so often when the dust settles and these tragedies or terrorist acts cease for long periods of time people disconnect. 

People return to their daily routines and what happened a few months ago becomes history.

We are so busy responding to situations that we do not take the time to process them or revisit our past and heal, if needed. 

Because it is necessary to do so, especially when the tragedies or terrorist events target certain groups and cultures.

It can be therapeutic to connect with people who know us personally.  

It is the bravest thing we can do to connect with people who know your past and possibly present history.  

But for some it can be quite frightening and awkward, especially if you are transitioning into new endeavors or changing in areas of life, or starting all over again.  

Most may not feel like people from their past can understand their journey.  

They may ask, “what’s wrong with the way things are now? Aren’t you grateful for what you already have;” 

or 

There may be some gossip such as, “he/she  has always been that way, what makes him/her think he/she can lose weight/start a business/start a ministry/get a promotion/stay out of jail/finish school/run for office, etc.?”

Do you see where this is going?

It can go either way in dealing with people who know you personally, resorting to finding a new support system, new environment, and making new connections.

 How do we help the people we serve in our workplace, community or our own personal life heal to reclaim their peace of mind? 

The first step is to embrace your truth.

Embrace your truth and reclaim your truth today.

Join the Black Family Business Network: bit.ly/blackfamilybusiness

originally posted on aliciabuchanan.com

Be you unapologetically 

Some people will not want to hear your story.

– Seen as aggressive or people may look to your weaknesses but I encourage you to look to your strengths.  

There are people who have faced challenges and are not afraid to share their story.  

But when people are out of touch with reality and feel afraid of what they do not understand or are lying to themselves, it’s the dichotomy of them vs. us.  

When we are us.  

Because I am because we are.  

That Sankofa principle resonates with everyone no matter what race or religion, mental health status or socioeconomic status a person belongs to.  

If one suffers we all suffer.

It is refreshing to connect with people who get that.  

I was hoping that I would find that community among some people but maybe not yet.  

Maybe not yet. 

Among some people?

My ex-husband felt unsafe around some people.  

I told him that he may be the problem.  

I was wrong to say that without validating his feelings.  

I understand because after sharing with my coworkers at work that I was facing some mental health challenges around moving and dealing with mold – having to adjust one lady started coughing like she was having a panic attack and the other got really quiet with a gloom look.  

It felt weird but I won’t apologize for being myself and vulnerable. 

That’s just me.  

I don’t shy away from sharing my feelings.  

I am high functioning and very intelligent.  

Yes I faced some crisis lately – my family and I were living in a home with mold that appeared very quickly a few years ago. 

A slow mold growth from the hurricane then a quick leak grew it quickly.  

We had to relocate to another city. 

We have been welcomed by many people. 

Philippians 1:6

Don’t give up.

Cliché, right?

If you have ever seen a dog chasing his tail, you would laugh out loud or shake your head.  

Foolish behavior but the dog may be on to something.

He never gave up on his goals.

What appeared impossible to others became a success to the dog because after he chased his tail, he touched it with his nose and took a break.

HOW MANY BUSINESSES OR RELATIONSHIPS FAIL BECAUSE THEY GIVE UP TOO SOON?

Your goal may be to start your own business, lose weight, get married, travel abroad, become a better parent, sustain when life keeps happening, etc.  

Those are just a few examples.

Things won’t change overnight.  

TIP: Keep the momentum going by celebrating every step of the way.

HOW MANY PEOPLE LOSE HOPE IN THEIR DREAMS? 

I’m guessing you have a schedule, routine and some habits that have helped you survive so far.

The plunge to reach your goals takes more than survival.

TIP: Consistency is the key to making any progress when you get started.

If you experience a disability, whether physical or mental, it can be discouraging to stay consistent in your journey to success especially when life keeps happening.

Press towards your higher calling in Christ. Philippians 3:14

HOW YOU CAN PRESS TOWARDS THE MARK:

• Speak words of encouragement to yourself when you feel like throwing in the towel.
• Get out of bed when you feel like hiding from the world.
• Learn from your failures instead of turning the failure into a negative.
• Stay committed to yourself and the vision of God’s plan for you.

God created you and your family for success.

He is faithful to complete what He already designed you to do.

Stay blessed and encouraged!

 Originally posted on aliciabuchanan.com

Article was originally posted in 2016 on aliciabuchanan.com

Resentment can change the course of history.

After 27 years in prison, Nelson Mandela let go of anger at his tormenters to unite all the people of South Africa. Nelson Mandela said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

After reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s article in Oprah’s magazine August 2016 issue, I wondered why the author of the article did not credit the original source. 

I did want to hedge the issue of race but it is necessary to give credit where credit is due. 

The concept of crabs in the bucket/barrel was first mentioned in early literature by Booker T. Washington in his 1901 autobiography Up From Slavery and later by Marcus Garvey, The Negro’s Greatest Enemy in Current History (September 1923). 

The concept paints a perfect illustration of members of a race or group trying to climb out but others won’t let them escape.

I’m certain the concept is not new but it is a constant human experience that pulls us closer to our past and makes our dreams seem further out of reach.

The trap often hinders you from being successful at trying to get out of debt, heal from a bad relationship, get over an addiction or recover from a mental or health challenge, or start a business or ministry while working a 9-5 job and/or managing your family.

What if the crabs in the bucket are family or friends? 

One thing I did agree with Elizabeth Gilbert in her article was that as you are fighting your way out of the bucket look behind one last time to see if another young ambitious cousin crab is desperately trying to climb the wall of freedom too.  

The point is to take a loyal family member or friend with you who is trying to escape the trap or crab in the bucket mentality surrounding them.

Let’s back up for a short moment and analyze this concept. 

Why does the crab in the bucket/barrel mentality exist?

How can we overcome it and not get stuck in our personal and professional relationships? 

When we look at the concept of crabs in the bucket we have to look at our past and consider another person’s past as well. 

As I have mentioned in previous blogs about how being able to identify what’s keeping you stuck and how cultivating forgiveness can help you heal.

We have to understand that when we embrace change and begin to escape the many traps we are facing there will be resistance from other people who are not on the same page as you. 

It may be weeks, months or even years before they embrace their own truth and acknowledge you.  

Unconditional freedom comes when you are able to move forward without getting caught up in other people’s emotions and love them through their pain…

Until they are able to move past it one day.

Life challenges will never stopped happening.  

Perhaps we stopped listening to the moments in which God was speaking and showing us the plan. 

Or something or someone got in the way of your momentum….

A responsibility, health issues or major life event. (traps and crabs in the buckets)

Challenges and circumstances will always happen. 

Don’t let them get in the way of your dreams and transformation. 

Find support and move forward post haste!

Leave a comment below 

Is life giving you everything you had hoped for this year?

Are your dreams coming to pass?

Or do you feel like your dreams are stalled?

Have you evaluated what is going wrong?

In my work as a life coach, I can help you to evaluate what’s keeping you stuck and identify things that are getting in the way. 

It’s Time to Transform Your Life and Business!

Please don’t be silent about what’s keeping you stuck.

Let me help you plan ahead as you embrace your new season or transition. 

Let’s slay the crabs in the bucket and transform your life and business today!

Photo by Steve Johnson from Pexels

The first time I left the country I was 16. I went to Spain and was overwhelmed with a sense of ‘this is it.’ I had always wanted to travel abroad, but my parents were more content with the comforts of home. So when I finally got the chance to go with my Spanish class, I embraced it. It was the best decision of my life.

That trip taught me that my greatest passion in life is traveling. I love to explore, I love to experience awe in nature, art and architecture. I love understanding how different people around the world live, and how no matter how different we may seem, we all share some very basic human truths. I live to travel. 

I’m fortunate that I discovered this early in life. I used that to make the biggest decisions in my life: where to go to school, what type of career to build, how to raise my family, where to live, etc. This is what is called a ‘passion-driven life.’ I let my passions guide the way I live my life.

It sounds ideal doesn’t it? But there are a lot of myths out there about passions that I’d like to clear up. My hope is that by doing so, you’ll be one step closer to discovering your own, and living your own passion-driven life. Let’s begin, shall we…

Your passion doesn’t have to be your paid work

I’m sure you’ve heard the advice to “follow your passions.” Most people assume that means you should turn your passion into your career. Be careful. This only works in a tiny percentage of us. 

You’ll be most successful in your career if you choose to focus on something you’re both good at and enjoy. But for most of us, that can be MANY things. 

Also, your paid work serves an additional purpose: it provides necessary resources for you and your family. In addition to your salary, this can be things like health insurance, paid time off, retirement savings, an easy commute, the ability to work from anywhere in the world, an opportunity to meet some of your best friends, etc.

You should consider ALL of these things when you decide on a career. Your passion will only satisfy one of those criteria: something you enjoy. And the reality is, that most of us eventually learn to despise our work…because it’s something we HAVE to do. 

When your passion is your career, you might find you resent it after a while. This is why traveling is not part of my work. What I love about traveling is the freedom from responsibility that it provides. If I HAVE to travel for work, I’m less likely to find that kind of joy in pursuit. It will just become work. I don’t want that to happen. I protect my passion by keeping it separate from my work.

Instead, I’ve created a career for myself that is flexible, that allows me to take a lot of time off to explore, to travel, on my own. This suits my needs much better.

Your passions will change over time

Think back to what you loved to do as a kid, as a teenager, when you were single. Chances are, your passions have changed over time. I used to love playing house, but I definitely don’t love housework now. At one point I was passionate about photography, calligraphy, and then painting. I don’t do any of those things now. Instead I fulfill my passion for creating with graphic design and branding for my business. 

You’ll find that with different seasons of life, your passions will ebb and flow and change and adapt. You may always love music, which you learned from those early piano lessons, but then discovered singing is more your thing, and then ultimately learned that producing music is your greatest passion. That’s a good thing. Embrace that and experiment with trying and testing new and different passions. 

Keep track of what you’ve been passionate about in the past, and keep a note somewhere of all the things that interest you that you want to try one day. When you have the time, or the time is right, try something new and be mindful of how it makes you feel. Follow the passions that light you up, that motivate you, that turn on your inner light.

Your passions are signals of your true path in life

When you discover something that you’re truly passionate about, you can feel it. That feeling is the universe communicating with you to ‘keep going!.’ You are on your path. This is what you should be doing. I heard this voice when I went to Spain and it shook me to my core. Have you ever heard yours?

Those are very important signs and they help us learn more about ourselves and what matters most, ultimately helping to illuminate our unique path in life. When you bring awareness to a passion you’ve always had or discover a new one, give yourself time to reflect on what it is about that passion that brings you so much joy. Keep asking ‘why’ until you get to the heart of what is driving you. 

What I love about traveling is the ability to explore. This awareness led me to some of my favorite hobbies: hiking, camping, visiting museums, reading books. I have two young kids, so global travel isn’t always an option for me right now. But I can connect to the part of me that needs travel through these more accessible means. 

Never stop learning

The path to self awareness, and ultimately to discovering your true purpose in life is an endless journey. Till the day you die, you’ll keep adding to your puzzle. Every step you take that gets you closer to your truth, is a step toward a better life.

If you’re curious about how you can learn more about yourself and what matters most, please enjoy this free 7-day trial of the online course, Find Your Way.

***

Kim Soko Schaefer is the founder of Ways & Meaning, a website dedicated to helping mindful entrepreneurs, thinkers and creators find more meaning and joy in their work and life. Kim is also a mother, a strategist, a global traveler and a lover of tater tots.

***

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Warning: This article on my blog may be triggering.  My intent is not to re-traumatize anyone by retelling the stories we’ve heard on the news, from others or social media.  The purpose of this blog is to hold a safe digital space or footprint for future sustainable dialogues as is our goal at Black Family Business and encourage self-discovery for your soulful healing journey.

Alicia Beatrice

How do you hold space for all the recent events going on in the world?

Mass shootings.

Natural disasters.

Reflection.

Feeling.

Healing.

I choose to hold solidarity with my fellow humanity.

I am not numb but I choose to disconnect and privately reflect.

My job is to protect my two Black sons and I am a single mother.

That’s all I can do when things seem dismayed and things dismantle.

Prayer.

Pranayamas.

Lots of deep breathing.

James 2:26 says “Faith without works is dead”

Are ready to do your emotional work, heal and live in harmony with others?

Perhaps you have faced many challenges in life and feel stuck, embarrassed, or ashamed to acknowledge them but deep down inside you want to be happy and free.

Release & Let Go: It’s Not Your Portion

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved” (Psalm 55:22).

Have you ever been all over the place helping and not caring for yourself?

When I finally realized I wanted to build my own empire shit kept on happening triggering my trauma and disrupting my wellbeing.  People, places and things…

God WHY did this happen to me?

That is the question I kept asking, dwelling on nonsense for too long. 

A light bulb finally went off and I released my burdens to the Lord so I could move forward and start living again.

We take on these burdens. 

Society and church communities sometimes encourage these behaviors of giving to pressure people to commit to something that may be an unwelcoming burden.  

Clearly the lines are blurred and the meaning of Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” 

God first advices us to release our own burdens and heavy loads to Him before we can help anyone else. 

Where You Come From

You are a woman who has taken risks before to help other people.

You have trusted yourself to lend your skills, talents and abilities when you needed help yourself.

You may even be brokenhearted, afraid to trust others again, or asking God WHY instead of HOW.

Your Divine Destination

But it’s no longer an option for you to hide your pain, live in the shadow of other people dreams or hide in the closet for fear of failing or being rejected.

When you release your pain and let God’s guide you according to His plan…

WOW!  

You will Lead nations and empower generations.

“Sometimes you find that things you (misplaced), friends you thought you (lost), and opportunities you thought were (missed) really weren’t in the plan.  To lose is to gain and around the corner you (find) the blessings are abundant.  One thing I learned over the years: tis far better to say “NO” than to constantly forgive because everything that looks good is not good for you. Learn to say NO.  As often as necessary!”  From Exile to EMBRACE

The best instructions are so simple and clear.  From the ONE and ONLY, Christ:

 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30)

“Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you” (Isaiah 46:4)

Some conversations are best to start alone one-on-one with God.

Here is your prescription for deliverance:

Join the Black Family Business Network

• Reclaim your peace of mind through a balanced prayer and meditation practice at our online and in person events
• Learn how to live out L.O.U.D – (Love Others & Self Unconditionally Despite)
• Develop your dynamic Mental Health Wellness Action Plan to live a healthy and abundant life
• Join an exclusive community for in-depth resources and support as you continue your soulful healing journey

Thoughts and prayers to those individuals and families suffering from losses and tragedy.

“Father which is in heaven makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” Matthew 5:45

Stay blessed and encouraged,

Alicia B.

photo credit: Alicia Beatrice

Article originally published in Pass/Fail 2020

Trust the process: I started and launched my budding business.  I wrote my first life changing book, sold many copies, did book reviews and spoke with groups of men, women, churches, fellowship groups, etc.  I was told it would take 2 years to see cash flow in my business if I “consistently showed up.”  So, I did.  I blogged like a mad woman, wrote emails to the folks I knew and met, vended with my books at every gig possible, attended all the networking events, was courteous and followed up with every person I collected phone numbers and emails from; consumed every program, course and book about entrepreneurship and online businesses as much as possible.  I even implemented a few things I learned, too.  So why hadn’t I transitioned from a full-time employee to full time entrepreneur after a few years?   That’s was the lingo all the six and seven figure business coaches were saying, right? What was I doing wrong or what was different about me that I didn’t reach my goal yet?  

As it has taken me several years to grow and heal on my journey, I realize it may take me a while to reach my creative and entrepreneurial goals. Social media has people fooled that success happens overnight.  Everyday we see people on social media selling a façade of what success should look like.  Some say, “Wake up, Pray, Slay.” Another saying that floods our social media feeds, “Work Hard, Grind, Hustle.”    But at what cost do you chase your dreams and lose your mind in the process while working one or more full/part time jobs, managing your personal life and/or family while building a business?  It’s not realistic to the unique experiences for every person.  My goal was to build a successful business in 2-3 years, but honestly, I am learning new mindsets and intentionally revisit my failures so I can learn from them and not repeat old habits. The biggest mistake anyone can make is to rush because you might miss some important detail.  Who knows, you might luck up, grow too fast and bust because you don’t have the systems in place to keep up. (uh oh!) Check out my podcast interview for more resources on systems

You might miss the moment to celebrate getting started or launching.  You might miss the moment to celebrate the first time you get your family on board with your crazy business ideas.  You might miss the moment to discover why it’s not everybody else’s fault that they don’t understand how your business meets their needs and why they’re not buying from you and how you can make a simple tweak to start making sales.  (One of my favorites)  You might miss the moment to celebrate when you finally learn that that your business is not about you and what an empathy map is; what your client/customer wants and how to actually find the people who want what you are selling! All that sales talk used to make me roll my eyes. Now I embrace the challenge wholeheartedly. What’s fear got to do with it anyway.

Hear me out and don’t get me wrong.  We all know a business must be profitable or it’s just an expensive hobby. Because the IRS says so.  You get 3 years and you strike out in the game of business if the business is not making money. We all get it. It’s happened to some of the wealthiest creatives and entrepreneurs of our time.  Some have gone bankrupt chasing their dreams. They failed several times, re-evaluated and started fresh again.  I’m guessing they had some pretty rough, late nights too. Some of them are just at the peak of their success at unconventional ages in their 40s, 50s and yes, 60s.  Didn’t you see the headline in the spring of a few years ago? “Rihanna Casts JoAni Johnson, a Stunning 68-Year-Old Model, in Her Fenty Campaign.”  CoverGirl followed suit a few months later: “CoverGirl’s Newest Face Is 69-Year-Old Maye Musk.”

 Then why are you rushing your success?  Don’t mistake not rushing with being complacent and not doing anything at all or complaining.  Trusting the process means being fully present every step along the way; to celebrate the successes and reflect on the failures.  One of my business coaches told me that it’s information to learn from. So who says you can’t end one chapter and start a new one in your life and business? Enjoy every moment and take your time. 

It’s Never Too Late to Fight for Your Life and Dreams…

Join the Black Family Business Tribe Today!

Alicia Beatrice teaches revolutionary Black and Brown creatives and entrepreneurs how to live their wildest dreams, honor God and build a legacy for their family and community at Black Family Business.

Alicia is a licensed mental health professional, book writing/spiritual/mindest coach, and author of From Exile to EMBRACE: 7 Secrets to Lead a Happier Life Through Love and Forgiveness; From Exile to EMBRACE: Confessions of Successful Women Leaders and Crazy Confessions: Defeat Depression, Dodge Suicide and Dare to Live.  When she’s not writing or teaching, Alicia is usually spending time with her family or finding ways to free her wild spirit and share radical love.

Connect with me 

www.blackfamilybusiness.com

 Facebook & IG @iamaliciabeatrice

Blog Originally Posted on 5-28-2016 on old website www.aliciabuchanan.com

This month we celebrated Mother’s Day.  It may appear cliché and obtuse because in fact every day is mother’s day, father’s day, indeed a family day.  A precious time to set our priorities and value the time we share together each day.

As a mother, daughter and human being, I understand the need to celebrate something.  It is our internal way of acknowledging that we feel something.

As I mentioned in a previous post, we spend majority of our day working, moving, and busy doing something.  We sometimes forget to tend to our own needs.

Today, I recall my duties to teach my sons to pay attention to their own needs.  Because one day they will grow up to be men and no one else will teach them how to do so.  They will be given the opportunity to lead, love and parent.

They will not have to go to school to learn these things.

They will not have to get a license to perform these acts.

They are Black boys growing up in America.

And no one will forgive their inadequacies or excuses for not knowing how to do so properly.

There are millions of cultures around the world who experience pain, suffering and love differently.

I had the opportunity to meet the Lost Boys of Southern Sudan in 2009 at the Clinton Global Initiative at the University of Texas Austin.  Their experience of suffering was a story of civil war, genocide, and after many years of displacement, finding refuge in cities across the United States.  After watching their documentary and listening to them, I was inspired by their ability to be vulnerable in their moments of sharing their stories of pain with so many people.

And they are men. They witnessed so much turmoil, violence and loss.

Now hear me out when I say that typically, men are taught not to cry. When our young boys are growing up as toddlers, what is the first thing that they hear? “Get up, don’t cry, and get over it.”

If they fall and hurt themselves, they hear what is constantly repeated: “Get up, don’t cry, get over it.”

It is no wonder that they grow up to be men that are macho and ill prepared to deal with real life issues.

Again, cultural experiences should be taken into account as well.  With respect to the traditions and cultures of people, we can help them learn new ways of handling their issues.  But we must first understand their background and experiences.

So to celebrate today, instead of the typical activities, I challenge you as mothers and fathers, too to help our young boys and girls learn to nurture their emotions so that they can avoid becoming someone’s statistics.

Here’s some suggestions of how to help other and help yourself:

• Recognize your need to experience whatever is going on in your body.
• Ask yourself: What is it telling you?
• What am I feeling?
• Voice it, find a word that defines what that feeling is.
• Allow yourself some time to experience it.
• Write it down if you need to.
• Rest and come back at a later time and repeat this process if needed.

Write down your feelings in a journal and find support.

Enjoy the precious moments in life.  Take control and ask for help when needed.

Leave a comment below and share this with someone who needs it.

Until next time…

Stay blessed and encouraged!

Alicia

In everything we do in life and business we are committed to excellence. Although the goal in life and business is to drive profit and success, we are not always driven by money or external praise and accomplishments to determine our worth and value.  Sustainability is more than money.  It is a holistic approach to what and how you do things to get to your destination or goal.  This is the foundation I am building at Black Family Business.  It has been a journey of self discovery the last six years figuring out my purpose to serve revolutionary Black and Brown women entrepreneurs who are rebuilding and reinventing a sustainable life and business so they can live their wildest dreams, honor God, and build a legacy for their family and community. 

My evolution continues as I build a sustainable foundation in my life and business.  I received an email from a former colleague where I was a licensed clinical social worker providing therapy to Black mothers – about an opportunity to be a part of the inaugural JUST JETA group for Black women entrepreneurs. Their program started its work with Hispanic and Latina women entrepreneurs. Just Entrepreneur Trust Agents (JETA) are Just community leaders that help other ambitious entrepreneurs build community through peer support and provide access to capital.

 Just is a nonprofit organization that invests in ambitious Texas women that want to improve their financial health or grow their business.  Through this organization I was able to meet 6 other ambitious Black women entrepreneurs in Austin, Texas and be in a genuine community that felt like family.  We’re on track to start our own JETA tribe, a group of 2-5 members, to offer peer support, access to business or personal loans to grow their business or rebuild their credit and a growing community of women entrepreneurs. After graduating this past week from the first JETA cohort, I wanted to share words of wisdom from the divine 7 Black women entrepreneurs and project managers of JUST.

Words of Wisdom

1. Determined
2. Excited
3. Gratitude
4. Faith
5. Patience
6. Emotional
7. Accomplished
8. Believe
9. Divine #7
10. Celebration

JUST CFO, Haydee Moreno, poses with her book From Exile to EMBRACE by Alicia Beatrice, LCSW, LCDC

Stop procrastinating on your big dreams.  Align with the right people to get help and support.

Give yourself time, at least one year to work your plan or goal.  God’s timing is perfect. 

Do entrepreneurship God’s way and put People first, then Profits and follow the plan.

Stick with your passion in what you do. Age doesn’t matter.  This is the perfect time now. You are where you need to be.

We are our own competition. Stay in your own lane. Do things the way you would do them.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help and learn from others.

Collaborate with other people based on their strengths. You go farther with others than doing it alone.

Trust the process. The journey is divine.

How you define success determines your goal setting process. Automate your process. Post more so people can find you.

Slow down and hear what your assignment is. Wider base equals a strong foundation.

What if you don’t crush your goals? Do you give up or re-evaluate your successes?

Do a 360 assessment of your business.  Would you fire or re-hire yourself?

Use a 360 app and do a one-on-one with yourself to keep yourself accountable.

Be vulnerable alone.

Put incentives in place for yourself especially if you are a solopreneur/solo entrepreneur.

Treat yourself like a real business and not a hobby. Promote yourself often.

Think like a real entrepreneur.

Redirect or reset based on your 360 results to set yourself up for success.

Don’t forget about your business. While you are busy networking, applying for funding, acquiring business assets and developing processes, remember the bottom line is to make profits through your service.

Celebrate every success along the way.

Remember your story is not about you.  

Your blessings are for someone else. 

What you have been through has set the stage for where you are going.

Life is hard, we face challenges, and are sometimes pressed on every side.

Don’t give up.

Don’t let your dreams die.

Keep fighting for your life and business.

The path for each Black woman’s journey is different but this is the right time. 

7 Black women entrepreneurs.

Inaugural JUST JETA cohort in Austin, Texas.

We are divine. 

Whew!

Take a deep breath.

Witness what you just experienced after reading this post.

Take a moment to journal and reflect on these words of wisdom:

• What legacy are you building?
• Who are you honoring?
• Who is your biggest supporter(s)?
• Who is most proud of you?
• What resonates with you?

Are you ready to take action and get support?

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1. On struggling with being a “people pleaser:”  “God didn’t create you to keep everybody happy.” 
2. On enduring hard times: “You have to endure to earn the right to be respected and tough enough to stand.” 
3. On expressing love for someone: “You can’t feel love that doesn’t reach you. So, even though I have it for you, if I don’t give it to you, you can’t enjoy it or benefit from it and you might starve to death for the lack of what I thought, but didn’t say.” 
4. On what it means when your faith is being tested: “When your faith is the strongest, you come up under the greatest attack.” 
5. On feeling stuck: “Maybe you don’t need a new situation, maybe you need a new perspective.” 
6. On finding yourself in the middle of a mess: “The mess is part of the process that leads to progress.”
7. On walking in your purpose: “Don’t let your pain distract you form the purpose God has on your life.” 
8. On what men really think about women: “You would be surprised the good things we guys think about you women that we don’t tell you.” 
9. On how to regain your focus: “Start deleting distractions so you can focus.” 
10. On moving on from a trying time in your life: “You have to maximize where you are WHILE you deal with where you were.” 
11. On the power of your passion: “When the passion on the inside becomes greater than the obstacle on the outside, you will always win!” 
12. “A setback is a setup for a comeback” 

13. “Each day is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift to Him.”
14. “When God has a plan for your life, I don’t care how much you murmur and complain and kick and fuss and scream and yell. When you know that God has a plan for your life, He got you tied up… I serve a God who will tie you up when you’re acting crazy, tie you up, while you’re trying to do your own thing, tie you up while your temper is raging, tie you up, when your ambition is out of control. Sometimes, God will tie you up til the time is right. Nothing will work, your money won’t work, your career won’t work, the boyfriend will leave, the house will sell, cause when God has you tied up, He’s not gonna let you get away. He’ll say, Be still and see the salvation of the Lord.”
15. “Never make a permanent decision about a temporary situation.”
16. “We are the people that we have been waiting for and no one else is coming.”
17. “As we forge deeper into this issue of forgiveness, we must be prepared to open up and discuss things that bother us before they escalate to a crisis level. We must examine our struggles with forgiveness in which there are not overt offenses or blatant betrayals. I’m convinced that seeds of resentment take root in the silent frustrations that never get discussed. Other people cannot read our minds–or our palms!–and that is why we have tongues to speak.”
18. “Silence isn’t golden and it surely doesn’t mean consent, so start practicing the art of communication.”
19. “God has invested entirely too much in you for you to be comfortable in anything less than you were created to be.”
20. “Unforgiveness denies the victim the possibility of parole and leaves them stuck in the prison of what was, incarcerating them in their trauma and relinquishing the chance to escape beyond the pain.”
21. “You cannot be a Big person with a Small heart”
22. “Let It Go!!”
23. “To be unforgiving is like to drink poison and wait for someone else to die!!
24. “What woman would not appreciate a God who becomes her attorney, assumes her case, requires no fee, and wins her the victory?”
25. “My mother would take the Band-Aid off, clean the wound, and say, “Things that are covered don’t heal well.” Mother was right. Things that are covered do not heal well.”
26. “Sometimes what makes us insecure and vulnerable becomes the fuel we need to be overachievers. The antidote for a snakebite is made from the poison, and the thing that made you go backward is the same force that will push you forward.”
27. “When you begin to realize that your past does not necessarily dictate the outcome of your future, then you can release the hurt. It is impossible to inhale new air until you exhale the old.”
28. “A whole woman will always attract a whole man. And when they touch, they will fuse to create a whole marriage. Ultimately, when the time is right, they will produce whole children.
29. “You’d be surprised at the things that look great on the outside but are dysfunctional on the inside. Be sure to function as good as you look”
30. “If you don’t invest in you, you’ll soon find that no one else will, either.” 
31. “Hardship can humble you, but it cannot break you unless you let it. Your instinct for survival will see you through if you’re attuned to its frequency. Instinct will find a temporary stopgap without ever taking its sights off your larger goals. There’s no greater way to hone your instincts than to overcome adversity.”
32. “Some young ladies are so starved for male approval that what should be a normal attraction to men is accelerated into an obsessive need for male affirmation. Tragically, these dear ladies allow themselves to be devoured in the arms of men who have neither regard nor respect for them as people.”
33. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma—which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
34. “Others can inspire you, but ultimately the only thing that empowers you is what lies within you and learning how to better utilize what you’ve been given.” 
35. “Destiny will always make someone angry, but better that person be angry with you than for you to be angry with you. I guarantee you will end up an angry person the day you awaken spiritually and realize that you’ve adhered to everyone’s priorities except your own.”
36. “Share your dream with people who want you to succeed.” 
37. “If you stick your head in the sand and ignore things that you have the power to change, you can’t blame anyone when they don’t turn out right!”
38. “Listen, God can’t bless what you won’t do. You haven’t been taught correctly. Prosperity doesn’t just come from giving an offering. It’s good to be a giver. But you must also be a thinker, a planner, and a worker.”
39. “Faith is the substance of whatever it is that we hope for. The important thing is that we teach that faith is connected to good works and responsibility.”
40. “When you live your own dream, you don’t have time to be a hater.”
41. “If someone must be hurt, if it ever becomes necessary to bear pains, weather strong winds, or withstand trials or opposition, let it be adults and not children.”
42. “Regardless of the obstacle in your life, there is a wind from God that can bring you out. Let the wind of the Lord blow down every spirit of fear and heaviness that would cause you to give up on what God has promised you.”
43. “Could it be that we allow the conditions in our lives to distract us from the meaning of our lives?”
44. “The Hell of Regret:  He who wins the race cannot run with the pack. And once you get out you can’t come back, because caged lions don’t mate with free ones! If ever you are going to win, you must forsake the social construct of the cage and all the cage dwellers.”
45. “God will not let your needs and wants go unattended, especially when you desire to be more like Him.”
46. “One cannot have an enriched marriage when it is funded by an emotionally and spiritually bankrupt man.”
47. “Sometimes we esteem others more important than ourselves. We always become the martyr. It is wonderful to be self-sacrificing, but watch out for self-disdain! If we don’t apply some of the medicine that we use on others to strengthen ourselves, our patients will be healed and we will be dying.”
48. “It is important to remember that for every person, there will be a problem. Even more importantly, for every problem, our God has a prescription!”
49. “Once you have confidence in your instincts, you must never allow other people’s refusal to believe, or their data to refute, what you instinctively know is true.”
50. “Need instead to find people who are in sync with our beat and form a more perfect union with those who hear the same rhythm! It is time for us to find the thing we were created to do, the people we were meant to affect, and the power that comes from alignment with purpose. Having had unique opportunities to sit at the table”

It’s 5pm, final phone call for the day and almost time to put the kids to bed.  Of course, all hell breaks loose. Everyone is pulling your strings.  Little ones are pulling on you to change their diaper, asking for food to eat, and your boo/hubby waiting for the some snuggle time.  What’s a girl to do when you have so many balls juggling in air?

On top of that your 9-5 (if you still have one), minding your business, and (hey) friendship(s).  With all that stress and overwhelm, it’s no wonder you are overweight and sleep deprived.  For real, saying this in love – women have too many obligations today.  Guess what though?  Everything happens when you say yes to yourself.

All hell breaks loose.  The kids get sick.  Boo/Hubby and friends feels neglected.  Deadlines come too fast.  Guilt starts to creep up on you.  Guilt about taking care of everyone else accept yourself.

It feels like you need a pause button to take a break from all the madness. Pause all the negative chatter and guilt that tends to take over.  Women face so much pressure in society, work, and social relationships to live up to a certain standard that we tend to lose ourselves in the drama. Did you know that Black women face a higher percentage of stress related health conditions than any other race of women in the United States?

We carry stress in our hips and thighs, don’t let these video vixens fool you.  The average Black woman has a stereotypical distorted view based on the hip hop video queens, etc.  I’m not knocking their hustle but the reality is that every day Black women are facing extreme amounts of stress.  

So, how do you handle the juggling act?

1. Delegate some things on your plate or hire help.  There is nothing wrong with hiring a cleaning person once or twice a month.  
2. Ask a family member or friends for help.  Can you ask someone you trust for help babysitting while you take a bubble bath or ask for help with a task in your business or work? Do you need to hire someone to help with administrative work like checking emails or managing your social media?
3. Have a conversation with your partner or hubby about your feelings.  Women are natural at talking about their feelings but this is sometimes overlooked because of the Superwoman syndrome  – wanting to be independent. 
4. Take your PTO time from work to get a break!  Use it or lose it. Most PTO time does not carry over. Why not use this time to breathe or take a vacation and drop some of those balls juggling in the air.

The decision is yours.   What will you determine to happen next?

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