by Alicia Beatrice

Dear Soulful Sister,

LIFE IS UNFAIR!

I’m sorry that no one was there for you.

Your dad never really protected you.

He wasn’t there to fight for you.

Your mother wasn’t emotionally available either to support you.

It was just you and God.

God was always there.

You had to learn a lot of things on your own while they were living their life.

You waited for your dad long enough – days, months, years.

He never showed.

Where was God though?

In the flesh to protect?

All the disrespect and regret because no one taught you about self worth, waiting, and real love.

Ha, those classes on etiquette.

A mother or father’s love would have helped.

I’m pissed off at this ACEs reality – incarcerated father, single mother, dysfunctional family and world.

I don’t harbor un-forgiveness or resentment.

I am angry and resigned that this is the way life has been for you.

Alone.

No real love of your own.

Holding on to your fight to win and make God proud that you didn’t sin – always unrealistic because I am human.

So you stayed in your room away from the world like you always do.

I know you don’t really like it here yet you don’t want to harm yourself.

You wouldn’t even try.

You was forced to be here.

Didn’t want to come out of your mother’s wound.

Hell, she didn’t want you.

Considered aborting you.

Was done having her first and didn’t really want another one.

You are tired of fighting trying to figure it out and go it alone.

Aren’t you?

Who do you have for you?

I know you don’t trust anyone but God.

People have failed you.

It seems pointless.

Who is worthy?

Who won’t hurt you?

I am so sorry that I didn’t speak up and protect you.

Even your brother was older and didn’t want anything to do with you.

He had his own secret life.

She accepted him more than you.

You were trying hard to do everything right.

I know you don’t want to be angry.

Feel that shit though.

Use it.

Get through it.

Cause life out here don’t give a fuck.

So why should you?

Giving a fuck let people use and take advantage of you.

They see you as nice.

Try to run the fuck over you.

Think twice.

Be nice.

Fuck all that.

You been waiting for all the money and the honey since way back when.

Prayin and prayin.

Where the fuck is HE?

“God in the flesh to save and protect me?”

I am so serious my love.

Life makes you want to give up.

Hide.

Stay.

Alone.

Go away.

“House hermit,” that’s what your brother called you.

Walked with you to school and was embarrassed because of what the kids said about you.

Called you big head and asked is something wrong with you.

If you knew your power then you would have used your big head to rain wrath on their pitiful ass life.

Paternal family.

The absent in the absence.

Things you naturally do like your absent father and his people.

Unconfrontational, passive aggressive.

In everybody business but their’s fucked up.

I don’t want you to grown up and be a lonely loser.

You are my hero.

In the midst of turmoil you always prayed/found a way out.

God alone got you out.

CELEBRATE FREEDOM!

Juneteenth was declared a national holiday in 2021.

Black Texans found out they were freed from slavery one year after the Emancipation Proclamation.

This is our independence, legacy and heritage.

We celebrate our freedom from bondage.

Wait!

One day you’ll see HIM in the flesh.

Have you been waiting for God to answer your prayers?

This is your sign to fight for your own freedom and put yourself first.

Here’s to your freedom in getting what you need this season.