Blog Originally Posted on 5-28-2016 on old website www.aliciabuchanan.com

This month we celebrated Mother’s Day.  It may appear cliché and obtuse because in fact every day is mother’s day, father’s day, indeed a family day.  A precious time to set our priorities and value the time we share together each day.

As a mother, daughter and human being, I understand the need to celebrate something.  It is our internal way of acknowledging that we feel something.

As I mentioned in a previous post, we spend majority of our day working, moving, and busy doing something.  We sometimes forget to tend to our own needs.

Today, I recall my duties to teach my sons to pay attention to their own needs.  Because one day they will grow up to be men and no one else will teach them how to do so.  They will be given the opportunity to lead, love and parent.

They will not have to go to school to learn these things.

They will not have to get a license to perform these acts.

They are Black boys growing up in America.

And no one will forgive their inadequacies or excuses for not knowing how to do so properly.

There are millions of cultures around the world who experience pain, suffering and love differently.

 

I had the opportunity to meet the Lost Boys of Southern Sudan in 2009 at the Clinton Global Initiative at the University of Texas Austin.  Their experience of suffering was a story of civil war, genocide, and after many years of displacement, finding refuge in cities across the United States.  After watching their documentary and listening to them, I was inspired by their ability to be vulnerable in their moments of sharing their stories of pain with so many people.

And they are men. They witnessed so much turmoil, violence and loss.

Now hear me out when I say that typically, men are taught not to cry. When our young boys are growing up as toddlers, what is the first thing that they hear? “Get up, don’t cry, and get over it.”

If they fall and hurt themselves, they hear what is constantly repeated: “Get up, don’t cry, get over it.”

It is no wonder that they grow up to be men that are macho and ill prepared to deal with real life issues.

Again, cultural experiences should be taken into account as well.  With respect to the traditions and cultures of people, we can help them learn new ways of handling their issues.  But we must first understand their background and experiences.

So to celebrate today, instead of the typical activities, I challenge you as mothers and fathers, too to help our young boys and girls learn to nurture their emotions so that they can avoid becoming someone’s statistics.

Here’s some suggestions of how to help other and help yourself:

  • Recognize your need to experience whatever is going on in your body.
  • Ask yourself: What is it telling you?
  • What am I feeling?
  • Voice it, find a word that defines what that feeling is.
  • Allow yourself some time to experience it.
  • Write it down if you need to.
  • Rest and come back at a later time and repeat this process if needed.

Write down your feelings in a journal and find support.

Enjoy the precious moments in life.  Take control and ask for help when needed.

Leave a comment below and share this with someone who needs it.

Until next time…

Stay blessed and encouraged!

Alicia